Stepping into my voice has been one of the most nerve-racking things I’ve ever set out to do. Who is going to listen to me? Do I have something to say? Where do I find my audience? Why is setting this up so hard? It’s taken all of my skills and some newly learned ones to get this off the ground. But I’m HERE! So with that being said, Take the first step. We all have things that we are meant to do or start. Just take the first step. It’s the hardest one for sure, but your worth it so go for it. That’s how I’m here. I stopped doubting myself and just took one step forward. I hope whoever needed to hear this finds the courage to take the leap of faith and start today!
A New Start
So I’m writing this the day after my Birthday. I don’t know about you but I always take stock of my life and what’s ahead for me. Some people do this at the start of the year but not me. I like reviewing life from birthday to birthday. With that being said I’ve accomplished things this year I didn’t think were possible. Looking at everything is often overwhelming so I like to take it piece by piece. I was reminded by a friend we don’t look at where we are enough. We are always looking forward, or examining what went wrong. And she’s right. How many of us stop when big monuments are happening? I know I rarely do. As I look at the life I created I’m still focused on old goals and dreams I’ve had. Although I think there is value in the practice, there is just as much value in looking back and sitting with what it has taken to get where you are. It takes more strength to sit with yourself than it does to always be moving and looking forward. It’s just my take. I know for me it’s one of the more challenging things I try to do.
Big Moments
We all remember where we were during different life events. But what happens when we stop to examine those times? Do they fade if you don’t acknowledge them? Did they happen if you don’t post them on social media? How do we take stock of these highlights in life? This has been plaguing me recently because I had such an occasion happen recently. But like other things that have shaped my life, I remember the boost, the struggle, and the pain it took to get where I am much more than the actual achievement. I remember the motivation of finding out one of my close friends achieved something I had sought after my entire career. I remember when a colleague received a promotion that pushed me to work harder and be more vocal about my contributions. I remember when my friend bought a home, which made me get serious about what I wanted in life. It sounds like I’m constantly comparing myself to others which in some respects is true. I think deep down we all do. But as I look at these things I find a common theme. They are my goals, my dreams, things I want for myself. Is that different from the way others compare themselves to others? I’m not sure. I think about other life achievements of my friends and colleagues and have not need to compare myself in those ways. I have married friends, I have friends with children, and I have friends with admirable careers that I just don’t seek to have. The common thread is always the voice inside my head saying you set this goal why didn’t you go after it.
Stepping into Your Leadership
How many of us have been asked to write a Bio and had no idea where to start? Well, that just happened to me and the experience has left me shaken. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not great at sitting with my accomplishments or big moments in life. I feel like I’m being tested right now in this season of my life. Writing a bio is just that. Looking at your career over the course of time and trying to sum it up to the best of your ability. It’s funny when I hear other people talk about me, I rarely make the connection they are talking about my achievements. I listen and think, wow that person sounds impressive. And then I must make the connection that they are talking about me, and I immediately feel uncomfortable. This is always my feeling. I remember the first time my team members told me they felt like they didn’t want to seem dumb in front of me. I was crushed. I never wanted to make people feel like they couldn’t come to me with their problems. That’s when a good friend of mine said “You are their manager, and you have to understand no one wants to look dumb in front of their boss”. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I had not made the leap yet in understanding I was now leading people in a more substantial way. And how that fact made people look at me differently. I always managed by the motto that “I was on their team”. I felt like just another pair of hands to help, guide and be a sounding board. What I didn’t understand is the same way I looked at my supervisors now people looked at me that way. This is something I think leaders don’t talk about enough. Once you get in a position where people look to you for answers the energy shifts. It took me a long time for my mindset to catch up with my position. In many ways, it still has not. But I am no longer naïve to it. I use it to empower my teams and remind myself to stay humble. When I lose the feeling of being on their team, I believe I will lose what makes my leadership effective. As I move through my career and face new challenges it’s easy to forget how you got to where you are and what makes you special. My hope is more leaders will speak on this thought process and how servant leadership requires you to put others first in a real way. So as I take stock in my career and all the things I’ve achieved I’m trying to sit with the fact that my Bio is me. I am that person and it’s my responsibility to speak authentically about these topics. Although I have achieved many things, I set out to do in my career I also have these thoughts around these topics. There is so much that goes into being a leader but at my heart, I know I’m here to serve my team members to the best of my ability and speak truth and honesty in these spaces. And that’s my commitment to this blog.